


These Tainted Hands

by Jazzi_Hands



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Unresolved Pining, angst without happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 04:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazzi_Hands/pseuds/Jazzi_Hands
Summary: Hanzo doesn’t believe he deserves anything good in life. Deep, intense self-loathing keeps him from pursuing things that would grant him happiness.And then he finds himself hopelessly in love with Jesse McCree.





	These Tainted Hands

Hanzo doesn’t believe he deserves anything good in life. Deep, intense self-loathing keeps him from pursuing things that would grant him happiness. 

It takes him a while for him to realize the feelings for what they are. 

But his hands are stained with an irredeemable amount of blood. He’s emotionally stunted, antisocial, unapproachable, standoffish, “a bit of a dick” (as Genji was kind enough to tell him)-

-And hopelessly in love with Jesse McCree.

Jesse McCree who is nothing short of radiant. Who has a dark past of his own, but had somehow managed to still come out the other side a good man. Who laughs and jokes with the other team members, making their day better just by existing in the same space as them. Who was the first to welcome Hanzo into the new Overwatch and actually be genuine with it. 

Jesse who sought out the aloof archer and engaged him, befriended him against Hanzo’s own will. 

It was impossible NOT to gravitate towards the cowboy. Impossible to ignore the bright smiles, the warm hand on his shoulder offering empathy and encouragement when Hanzo’s mind tortures him with visions of his past and keeps him up at all hours of the night; the patient, gentle words of understanding and support when Hanzo is having a panic attack or is being too hard on himself again.

Hanzo can’t risk sullying such a pure man with hands as tainted as his. So he watches in self-imposed isolation as Jesse brightens the lives of everyone around him with casual acts of selflessness that seem to come so effortlessly to him. A box of Swiss chocolates for Dr. Ziegler because she works so hard and doesn’t sleep as much as she should. Some of the “Good Tea” for Lena because it reminds her of home. An album of “classics” for Reinhardt because not much excites him like some good classic music he can sing along to in his booming voice. 

A bottle of Hanzo’s own favorite saké, handed to him with a little wink, “cause everyone deserves somethin’ nice every now and again”

He watches for days, for months, and now it’s been a little over a year. And oh, Hanzo wants. He wants more desperately than he’s ever wanted in his entire life.

Wants nothing more than to bury his face in the warm folds of Jesse’s serape. To breathe in the scent of him and have those thick arms wrap so tightly around him, there’s no room for bad thoughts to intrude. He wants to see himself through Jesse’s eyes: as someone who is worth something. 

And Jesse would allow it, too. More than allow it. He’s been flirting pretty heavily since a few months after Hanzo arrived at the Watchpoint. Made it very clear he would like something more than what they currently have.

But Hanzo keeps it to himself. Hides it away. All but goes out of his way to avoid Jesse.

Because, at the end of the day, a monster such as himself does not deserve to be in the presence of such purity, let alone touch him. To taint him with his vileness.

So Hanzo sticks to the shadows and watches. 

And wants.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this months ago on Twitter and forgot to actually post it here. Oops.
> 
> Anyways, I was having Feelings™ and took it out on Hanzo, cause that’s what creators do when we love a character, right? 
> 
> Tell me what y’all think here or on Twitter @jazzi_hands_


End file.
